Angry Robot

The Day I Threw My XBOX from the 7th Story Balcony

I already made a comic regarding my hatred of this cartoon character, but I don’t think I fully expressed how angry I actually was.

This is how the incident occurred:

I started to play Naruto. Many people have enjoyed the game, so I felt that if perhaps I gave it chance I might enjoy it. Problems immediately began in the introduction when the Hero, which the game has been named after, started to speak. His voice grated at my brain like someone ramming a wad of steel wool through my ear canal. I don’t know what it is about Anime and this generation of children that has caused us to accept high pitched screeching as a viable form of voice acting, but something has to be done.

But, like a trooper I marched through it.

After that I learned the “Sexy Jitsu” in which you turn into a woman to seduce men. Did I take this as a warning sign to stop?… Evidently not.

In short order I met my traveling companions in the game. One of them was a girl with an equally irritating voice and your typical brooding Emo-Kid who we assume has a dark past that we don’t really give a rat’s ass about.

But even after that I pressed forward.

I got through a few banal missions and onto the REAL story when my frustration finally got the best of me.

I should state at this point that I suck at fighting games… really badly. Give me a shooter and I can reasonably blast my way through them without too much trouble. Give me and RPG and I happily work my way through many a side-quest. Give me a real-time strategy game and I will most likely have fun despite having my ass handed to me on a platter. But Fighters just bring out the beast in me…

I finally hit this particular fight that I just couldn’t get through. I tried it a number of times, but he just kept destroying me over and over… I had to listen to the badly scripted Anime taunting over and over while I did my best to button-mash with some semblance of order.

Finally I defeated my enemy… and then the game made me fight him again.

That’s around the point I whipped my controller into my couch as hard as I could and nearly broke my hand punching my bedroom door.

And the worse part is, I wasn’t mad because I lost. I was mad because the A.D.D., screaming, irritating world of Naruto had disturbed my happy little world of peace and English Breakfast Tea so severely.

Is this seriously what we are peddling to kids as entertainment? What kind of shallow, retarded shit is this? Are we really so desperate for the next toy line that we are ready to ram any old import down the throats of the public?

I blame Shonen Jump.