Angry Robot

Top Ten Disappointing Things About Halo 3

10. They replaced the needler with a potato gun.

9. The endless product placements. I was okay with the Mr. Lube decals on the Warthog, but the cutscene where Master Chief declared he was “going to kick some extreme ass… right after I deal with my extreme thirst!”, and then chugged a frosty Mountain Dew™ was a tad gratuitous for my tastes.

8. To be honest, the whole gay love triangle subplot seemed a little tacked-on.

7. The way Master Chief took on an entire alien invasion single-handedly, and then, despite overwhelming odds, managed to emerge victorious. What is he, some kind of one-man army? Ludicrous.

6. Way too much Nickelback on the soundtrack.

5. I have a sneaking suspicion the only reason this one sold so well is because of all the people who bought it just so they could sign up for the Bratz Fashion Designer Superstarz beta test.

4. Only the people who dropped $130 on the Legendary Edition can unlock the “For The Same Amount Of Cash, You Could Have Bought Malaria-Preventing Mosquito Nets For An Entire Mid-Sized African Village” Achievement.

3. Cortana’s ongoing refusal to get her tits out for the lads.

2. The big plot twist where the Chief gets busted down to private right before the last climatic battle. Call me crazy, but ending an epic war trilogy with a potato-peeling minigame seems like a bit of a letdown.

1. Just didn’t live up to the high gaming standards set by 50 Cent: Bulletproof.

21 comments on "Top Ten Disappointing Things About Halo 3"

  1. Il Rifle Uk Il says:

    Silence fills the empty grave…

  2. Samir says:

    Yeah this wasn’t very well done at all.

  3. Doc P says:

    I actually thought this was funny. Well done.

  4. stabbim says:

    Damn you, Nickleback!!!


  5. Stixxx says:

    I agree the gay love triangle subplot was totally tacked on.. case in point, look at the way the arbiter was at the end, he didn’t even say “why cant i quit you?”

  6. SPARTAN 294 says:

    uh almost every single one of these was just a stupid joke that i really doubt made anyone laugh if your going to make some criticism make it constructive thank you also you sound like G4 who makes the stupidest jokes and dont even get me started about the E3 incident.

  7. The Robotic One says:

    Buying a 360-300$
    Buying a copy of Halo 3-60$
    Bag of special blend drugs-200$
    Making a review of Halo 3 while on drugs-Priceless

  8. Joel says:

    Haha, I love halo 3 (and hate it), and this made me laugh, thank you

  9. Sk1LLZ says:

    In the amount of time you spent writing that sh17, you could have contributed something useful to teh interwebz

  10. Frogwart says:

    I liked it! Your article, I mean. It made me laugh.

  11. SwampFox says:

    chill people its just a joke, ya know for fun? som of you guys took it way too seriously. its funny

  12. Y’know, I kind of like the ol’ potato gun. WAY better than the BR any day of the week.

  13. f1r3r41n says:

    potato gun?

  14. Flashman says:

    #11: The proportion of Halo fans who can’t take a joke.

  15. Grim says:

    Were your parents siblings by any chance?

  16. William says:

    The last battle was climatic? I didn’t notice any strange weather.

  17. MCNano117 says:

    This is stupid, written by a stupid person.

  18. Daniel says:

    in reply to entry 7 of the top 10
    obviously someone has not read the books and does not know of all the physical augmentations and exactly how powerful his armor is. Quit dissing John

  19. Mags says:

    “The last battle was climatic? I didn’t notice any strange weather.”

    Now that’s funny!

  20. Booyatzee says:

    Can’t speak for any of the sourpusses and their overly critical responses; but it made me laugh and I enjoyed the comedy! Good stuff!

Comments are closed.