Angry Robot

War on Anything

Aw shit, we’re actually LOSING the War on Terror. No, bin Laden didn’t just take over the White House, it’s just that there were more terror attacks in 2003 than previously admitted, possibly the highest amount in 20 years. I noticed in a recent speech about Iraq that Bush was decrying “terror and violence”. I guess “terror” isn’t what happens when a militia takes over a city, it’s “violence”, fair enough. But technically, Mr. President – and if we’re going to start the War on Violence you should know this – you can only win the War on Violence if you stop fighting. So you might as well surrender, you’ll win.. Argh… anyway, I propose we declare a War more winnable:

  1. The War on Shame
  2. The War on Racoons and Seagulls
  3. The War on War Metaphors
  4. The War Against Age
  5. The War Against Shitty Ads with Breakdancing in Them
  6. The War on “Entertainment Reporters”
  7. The War on Ashton Kutcher
  8. The War Against People Who Just Quit Smoking and Suddenly are Rabidly Anti-Smoking
  9. The War Against the Font “Comic Sans”
  10. The War Against Rock

2 comments on "War on Anything"

  1. eL says:

    Based on my recent experience on the road, we appear to be winning the war on racoons. The war on seagulls is, however, a lost cause.

  2. D says:

    Obviously we here in Toronto need some cross-border expertise. We need to work together to win the War on Garbage-Eating Night Scavengers. Here in Toronto, no-one’s garbage is safe.

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