Action Balding

There’s a gentleman I see around whose hair is vanishing at a breathtaking pace. It’s thrilling to watch. I’m seeing a “Balding Channel” complete with Bald Alerts sent to your inbox – BREAKING NEWS: Left Temple Now Completely Visible, Witnesses Say – up-to-the-minute pics, drama-lite soundtrack, the whole deal. As much as it must suck to have your hair abandon you (it will happen to me soon enough, if my mother’s brothers have anything to do with it, which I hear they do), it’s better in its way than the inverse: rampant spreading of the hairline. Would you rather be shaving your forehead n’ cheeks? If we did indeed live in a world of runaway de-balding, no doubt baldness would connote virility, we’d get younger with age, pigs would fly, the blind would see, and Dick Cheney would be volunteering amongst the lepers. So thank god for balding, and that’s my thunderously astute musing of the day, thank-you-all sirs and mesdames, just trying to make the world a better place, now I must bid you adieu, into hidden lapel mic get me out of here! out! out! EXIT Sankey, hanging from helicopter.