Angry Robot

Scenes from Glitch

This means I have a garden, so I get some seeds and start planting in my little garden patch. I grow rice, potatoes, spinach, tomatoes. With the result I cook, but there’s always something missing for new recipes – where do I get a pickle? I check the auctions, they seem pretty expensive. I keep farming, but soon I get some fruit tree beans, which means I can plant trees that don’t vanish when they yield their crop: cherries. With the fruit changer, I can change these into other fruits. With my blender I make orange juice. It’s pretty good. I can sell this at auction.

I explore the auctions more. There are cherry trees everywhere in Bortola, so I harvest them whenever I pass. Before long I have a hundred… The item screen says these are worth 1 currant each. I list them at that price and they sell instantly. Well, sounds like I can sell them for more than that. at 5 each they still sell instantly. When I need the money to buy something, I go out and harvest.


I’m still experimenting with all the things you can learn and do: alchemy, element handling, tinkering, cooking. Every recipe needs salt or some other seasoning. It’s hard tracking them all down at the vendors. It would be better to harvest allspice, which grows on spice trees, and can then be transformed into other spices.

But where are the goddamned spice trees? Nowhere in Bortola. I ask in global chat, and people point me to remote, exotic climes where there are indeed spice trees, but they are much rarer than cherry trees. I gather enough allspice to last and then go back to my hood. I tweak my avatar, give him a nice fro.

I realize I can sell cherries at 8 currants each. I level up in tree-related skills, so now I can harvest twice and get more cherries. I am selling mad cherries now, not even bothering to hold on to any to cook with. I am the Cherry King. I will drive a Porsche with CHERRY as the vanity plate. Well, there are no cars in Glitch – but I do dream of getting a huge ass crib. I can see them in the real estate listings, with their slick design and lots of garden and storage space.


In the forums I see a post lamenting the lack of spice trees, which used to grow in the central locations. Turns out you can cut down trees! And poison them. And if no one waters them, they die. I feel guilt – I haven’t been watering all the poor trees I have been exploiting to build my cherry empire. I thought they were always there, or respawned periodically, like in every other game. I vow to be a better glitch.

Someone knocks at my door. That’s odd! I answer. The stranger glitch tells me she is considering buying in my neighbourhood and wants to look around a property. I show her. I tell her what I know about the gardening, tree growing, etc. We add each other to our buddy lists.

I plant a spice tree in my garden. I learn to capture pigs and bring a couple home. I waste a lot of time learning meditation skills – when you meditate you restore your mood and energy, but the amounts don’t seem to justify the time it takes to learn the skills. Oh well.

I explore a lot. The desert is a mysterious place, with a lot of treasure and some back story that isn’t super fleshed out at the moment. A bandit (NPC) steals my focusing orb, which I need to meditate. I eventually buy a new one.

Down south there are a lot of mines, which are full of people. You can make mad currants mining, people tell me in chat. But I find it boring. It’s just click and wait.

You can grind down ores you mine into elements that can be reassembled. I’m not skilled at this, so it uses a lot of energy. When you use up all your energy or mood, you die. I inadvertently grind myself to death and wake up in hell. Someone there tells me all you have to do is step on a bunch of grapes. Consider it done.

In the forums people are talking about how farming has been nerfed. It used to be comparable to mining, or earned a bit less but people enjoyed it. Now they are pissed because it takes way longer and you can barely make a living farming. After a while the devs say they will adjust things, and then they do, and everyone is happy. (Mostly.)

I am level 15 now and halfway to getting my mansion. I have been watering the trees. The game test period is almost over; I have heard of the “Apocalypse Parties”. I get the location and head to Ajaya Bliss, deep in the caverns.


There are many many people there. They are doing “no-no powder”, giving gifts. I use my meditation skill “radiate” that gives others mood bonuses. People invite each other on races. I give away some green eggs I made. In the chat, GOD starts giving warnings. Then it is over.