On the "Obesity Epidemic"
There was a “fitness expert” on the teevee explaining that diet should be 80% of the focus of your weight-loss regimen, and exercise the remaining 20%. You have failed humanity, “expert”! Let me put on my fucking expert pants here for a second. When you look at the history of humankind, have we ever had an obesity epidemic before? No, quite the opposite. In fact, chubbiness used to be a status symbol because it meant you could afford to laze around all day doing jack shit. Did previously, healthy generations of humanity have drastically different diets in terms of carbohydrate intake? No way – the Romans were all bread and pasta, and barely ate meat. Were they fat slobs? No! They didn’t have cars or videogames, and they marched around everywhere conquering the shit out of everyone. In other words, EXERCISE! How fucking obvious is that? Now that people only get out of their cars to stare at monitors, well yeah, they’re all fat. I love bacon and all, but I refuse to accept it as a health food. I refuse to believe that by eating bacon with every meal (and avoiding that horrible ‘bread’ stuff), I will miraculously shed my excess girth. No, kind sirs, you eat bacon with every meal and your fat gut will secede and form its own person. You’ll be watching Oprah wondering why you get dizzy when you reach for the remote, and your new gut-self-blob will be gradually growing arms. Go out and conquer someone you lazy slob!