Angry Robot

On the "Obesity Epidemic"

There was a “fitness expert” on the teevee explaining that diet should be 80% of the focus of your weight-loss regimen, and exercise the remaining 20%. You have failed humanity, “expert”! Let me put on my fucking expert pants here for a second. When you look at the history of humankind, have we ever had an obesity epidemic before? No, quite the opposite. In fact, chubbiness used to be a status symbol because it meant you could afford to laze around all day doing jack shit. Did previously, healthy generations of humanity have drastically different diets in terms of carbohydrate intake? No way – the Romans were all bread and pasta, and barely ate meat. Were they fat slobs? No! They didn’t have cars or videogames, and they marched around everywhere conquering the shit out of everyone. In other words, EXERCISE! How fucking obvious is that? Now that people only get out of their cars to stare at monitors, well yeah, they’re all fat. I love bacon and all, but I refuse to accept it as a health food. I refuse to believe that by eating bacon with every meal (and avoiding that horrible ‘bread’ stuff), I will miraculously shed my excess girth. No, kind sirs, you eat bacon with every meal and your fat gut will secede and form its own person. You’ll be watching Oprah wondering why you get dizzy when you reach for the remote, and your new gut-self-blob will be gradually growing arms. Go out and conquer someone you lazy slob!

16 comments on "On the "Obesity Epidemic""

  1. LES says:

    Nice one. I agree all around.

  2. juice says:

    Hells Bells! I agree also. I’m sick of the atkins shitbags at work who have been ordering ‘special’ meals with no bread for the last 6 months. They make snide, jealous remarks about everyones carbs & are still just as frickin fat. They proudly inhale containers full of meatballs & sit in front of their monitors all day. They have group therapy meetings in the hall and snicker about how smart they all are. I want to jam bagels down their throats and punch them in the gut.(oops.torked for a minute.sorry d)

  3. adam says:

    I think that I shall spend the day today marching around everywhere, conquering the shit out of everyone. Onward!

  4. D says:

    You have my permission to DOMINATE!!

  5. Sassy says:

    I have had numerous discussions with my friends about the Atkins diet and all these carb-free diet fads and totally agree, how healthy can eating steak and eggs and bacon every single day really be? Total heart attack waiting to happen. Dr. Atkins incidently died of a heart attack and was supposedly fat in the end to boot. Its funny, everyone is looking for a short cut or a miracle cure to losing weight quickly, and choose to ignore that all they really have to do is literally get off their ass.

  6. ÿ says:

    I thought that Atkins guy hit his head on ice?

  7. D says:

    I think he was murdered by GIGANTIC SHAPE-SHIFTING REPTILES.

    It seems the jury is out as to the heart-attack death, and also his weight at death.

  8. this blog used to be intesesting says:

    Wow – its so amazingly original to see someone railing away people on the Atkins diet! And you can tell that he really is poking fun at how counter-intuitive the diet is and not just hating people for how fat they are and generalizing about “them” as a whole.

    That’s good blogging for sure.

  9. D says:

    Sorry Dave, did I anywhere hate someone for being fat?

    this blog used to be interesting – I’m not sure about that, but thanks for having liked it in the past. Sorry to disappoint you.


  10. D says:

    I totally couldn’t resist that! Just kidding, of course.

  11. Colby Cosh says:

    I just want to know the waist size on the Expert Pants.

  12. D says:

    My expert pants are made of bacon.

  13. king says:

    What does This Blog Used To Be Interesting mean by: “railing away people on the Atkins diet!” Railing away people doesn’t mean anything.
    And besides, what D says is right. I wasn’t aware that blogs had to express original sentiments only. And God forbid we should be at all critical of fat people. After all, most of those poor bastards can’t help being lazy and immobile and overeating. Granted, some people are genetically predisposed to being fattys and that sucks but the overwhelming majority eat too much and don’t exercise enough. That’s the bottom line. I was recently in Cambodia where everyone is poor and people have to hump it to make ends meet and there are no fat people there. I repeat, no fat people. People just aren’t as amped up in their minds with no physical outlet as we are over here, their systems are not set on “consume” But that’s all we do in North America. We distract the mind by consuming. I buy 4 or 5 rounds of snacks per day, just for something to do now that I don’t smoke. It’s sick! This Blog Used To Be Interesting is a real knucklehead I think. Why is it not interesting to talk about the nuts and bolts of why people are fat lazy slobs? Because we have to be careful not to offend fat people or something? Fuck that. Besides the odd genetic misfit and those with 90 pound cysts in their bodies, everyone else has it within their power not to be morbidly obese. I mean, people get hospitalized these days, just for being too fat. That’s a problem I think.
    Does saying that people are too fat mean that you hate fat people? It’s a fact man — people are too fat in the U.S.A. in Canada in Britain people are too fat. We consume too much because we are looking for some kind of gratification and just like D said — we’re inactive. It’s not the same as saying someone is too black or too jewish or something. I just don’t know where fat people started getting into this whole prejudice kind of mindset. Sure, it’s alienating to be superfat but fuck. Think about all the energy that goes in to forming a group like this. I mean, in one sense it’s commendable but honestly I think like, “get away from the computer screen, stop typing articles about how you got a raw deal or how ‘science is wrong’ and go do something active. Maybe they should make computers pedal-powered or something.
    By the way, if you like being obese or you accept it and you’re happy, great. But I find it offensive that someone like D writes an entry that is thoughtful and clear and makes so much sense that it hurts and some idiot like you TBUTBI has to whine about someone hating fat people. Nobody hates fat people buddy, otherwise Santa Claus would be skinny. What people don’t like is someone who is lazy
    and gluttonous –who constantly consumes more than they need to, and who’s always looking for the easy way out.

  14. marijke says:

    There’s a flipside to the prejudice, king, which is to accuse everyone who’s not a waif of being fat.
    I’ve got no problem with get-off-your-ass, moderate-your-consumption comments and analyses of the obesity epidemic, but the key word here is “obesity”, which is quite different from “not skinny”.

    i’m not skinny, but i’m not fat either. and i have had people call me “fat” on the street. once had a guy slow down in his car to yell it at me. it’s upsetting and embarrassing, no matter how comfortable you are with yourself.

    just because there’s a problem with obesity does not give people the right to apply the term indiscriminately (or rather discriminately?) against anyone who doesn’t look like a 12-year-old boy.

    aw, crap. now i sound like one of those “fat is beautiful” crusaders, and i’m not at all.

    I like this movement to hate on the atkins thing. i want to go on an anti-atkins diet. tonight i’m having spaghetti for dinner. with a side of potatoes and toast!

    the sad thing is that the people i see on the atkins diet are often people who weren’t particularly fat to begin with. and i find myself wondering about the disaster zone they’re making of their bodies now… who the hell can eat eggs for breakfast every day? and since when are carrots evil??

  15. JP says:

    To be honest, I have to agree with TBUTBI on one thing (although I still find you interesting D): I was sick of the Atkins hype, but now I’m more sick of the anti-Atkins hype. Everywhere I go, I hear people “railing away” the Atkins diet. What’s so wrong with people not eating carbs? Done properly, it will help. Sure North America has serious health and physical activity issues that need to be corrected fast. But if people wanna lay off the pasta and bread, so be it. Of course, they shouldn’t preach about it either. K, I’m off for a big plate of penne and garlic bread.

  16. D says:

    To clarify: In This Reporter’s Opinion, someone’s weight is their own business. The part that bothers me is people being misled into thinking that diet alone is the best way to lose weight (if that’s what they want). Not that I’m Sir Thomas L. History Expert but from knowing what little I do know about the history of eating, it’s clearly wrong.

    There’s a stat out there somewhere to the effect that 30% of meals in America are eaten in a car.

    As for the Atkins diet, I’m sure it helps, but like I say it’s not the only solution. From what y tells me it can be strikingly effective in the short term (a month) but then you start feeling very low on energy. Also, the clogged arteries problem. It’s not a miracle diet, it’s another New! thing – instant fix bullshit mindset. It can be helpful I’m sure, but be reasonable about it for the sweet mother of Jesus’ sake.

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