Angry Robot

"like vomiting backwards"

the gravity-defying drink.

It probably never saw much distribution outside of Canada, but this now-dead beverage was as innovative as it was disgusting. Somehow, those rascals at Clearly Canadian figured out a way to suspend little balls in their drink, Orbitz. They made use of some sort of emulsifying agent in order to achieve the effect, apparently not stopping once to think about taste or sensation. Few dared to drink Orbitz. My friend Mark did, and called it “like vomiting backwards.” Reviews from some site called bevnet say:

Black Currant Berry Orbitz would be a half decent beverage — if it weren’t for the balls.

The balls, on the other hand, don’t really have any taste. It makes the beverage almost impossible to enjoy. We suggest straining out the balls if you are daring enough to try this beverage.

Blueberry Melon Strawberry: The liquid part of the beverage has a barely acceptable berry-like flavor. The addition of the balls, however, make this a completely unpalatable beverage.

Pineapple Banana Cherry Coconut : This beverage is atrocious. It slightly resembles a Pina Coloda, but it has a drowned out taste. We really couldn’t taste the cherry and banana flavors. The white and red balls don’t have much flavor. We would never drink this beverage again.

And lastly:

Raspberry Citrus: Atrocious. That sums it up. This flavor tastes absolutely horrible. In the words of an anonymous BevNET Staff member, “It tastes like water that came out of a vase used for flowers….the balls make it even worse.” The only difference is that Orbitz has sugar. This beverage makes us sick. Simply a fad (well, maybe not a fad, since that implies that someone actually likes this) that will die out.

Die out is right. Orbitz is no more, although the name lives on, now as the website through which airlines flip the bird at trustbusters everywhere. Thankfully, the beverage scientists at Clearly Canadian continue to innovate, with questionable beverage advancements such as water branding (Reebok Fitness Water) and “super-oxygenated water.”

Let me just say, if anyone wants to start a “bring back the balls” campaign, I for one will sign it.